


Perfect Synergy

by Zygella



Series: Diamond Visits [30]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, This is honestly super shitty but whatever, have this, mentions of Homeworld Gems, mentions of Yellow Diamond - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2020-01-04 19:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18349961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zygella/pseuds/Zygella
Summary: “Using the system is such a complex thing. Almost no one knows truly what it does when it’s a perfect synergy with the person, but I do. Or, perhaps, I do simply because it’s my system. I created it.





	Perfect Synergy

**Author's Note:**

> join the discooooooord: https://discord.gg/9pSaABF

Blue knew it was a bad idea, but she was curious. She’d heard from the whispers of other Gems of Yellow’s court that there was something new, unfamiliar kept in her chambers that she was working on. Yellow was on an Earth visit right now, which left Blue and White on Homeworld. Leading to the dilemma now, should she be doing this? Her desire to know was too much, and she continued. Sitting in her golden chair, she found a secret audio log that wasn’t at all formatted like a normal report. This must have been something. She opened it and had it play out to her. Her golden girlfriend’s strong voice filtered out from the screen and into the surrounding room.

 

“Using the system is such a complex thing. Almost no one knows truly what it does when it’s a perfect synergy with the person, but I do. Or, perhaps, I do simply because it’s my system. I created it. I was lost… very lost. For the longest time I was lost and I was trapped, in a cycle of something horrid and toxic and I’ve tried so hard to get myself out of it even now but I’m not rid of it and I don’t think I ever will be, that I break down and cry over stupid, useless things that don’t matter. That’s how it is, isn’t it? That’s what the system is. It’s an escape, it’s a crutch, because I’m not quite enough of my own Gem for the others and I’ve been told that I’m more than my songs but that’s just their false beliefs because I’m not. I’m not any more, I’m not any better. They expect me to be a whole of a Gem but I’m just half of someone that’s too good to be true for so many, even me and it’s just. Useless. I practically don’t have emotions, I can’t feel on my own, sometimes that makes me feel inadequate and maybe I am sometimes. Blunt, harsh words I speak almost always in every situation because I’m not normal and I know this and I just want to be what people expect me to be, that’s all I’ve ever wanted, and for a short while the system helps me feel normal because it helps me feel. But at the end of the day I know these emotions aren’t really mine, are they? They come from the music. I don’t really know what it is about the electronic ticks, the low bell tones, the real meaning of the words sung out in an invisible dance that draws me in so much, music has no real purpose to begin with. Yet us creatures are still drawn to it, without any knowledge of why it truly exists and how it just… does these things to us. To me. I’ll hear songs in my head sometimes. I’ll “hear” it, but it’s different from listening to it properly. It’s fake. It’s fake and I just pretend like nothing’s wrong and that I’m normal or something people expect me to be and it’s… my biggest indicator of my failures. It helps me, but I can’t just let a nice thing happen for myself. My brain doesn’t allow it. There always has to be a downside. I’m never enough and I hate that I was groomed into this mentality, even if it was accidental. For the better part of a year I’ve tried to drag myself out and nothing’s worked, because I always regress. As soon as tears start leaking from my eyes over anything relating to this that’s another failure. I shouldn’t still feel despair over such things if I was really over it. That’s my problem. I can’t be normal and I hate myself for it. And I can’t do anything about it. I’m a Diamond, for star’s sake. I should be normal. This is the cycle.”

 

There was a pause in the venting, and then she continued again.

 

“But… I’m still trying. I say these things about myself and half of me knows that perhaps, they aren’t really true. Ever since I broke out of where I was created, I had to repress so many of my emotions. It’s been like that for me for eons, and perhaps I don’t give myself enough slack. Repressing them for so long… it’s not my fault for forgetting how to feel, right? It’s not like I can’t feel at all. Some emotions weren’t affected, but most were. I’ve stopped actively repressing them now and everything just feels raw and vulnerable. I don’t really know what I’m doing on my own and there’s no shame for me to use music as a crutch. Right?”

 

Another pause.

 

“Well… time will tell, I suppose. I’m still new to the whole emotions thing. It’s still hard to adapt to. I’m making a device that’ll give other Gems the same experience of the perfect synergy of the system. It should let them experience it in the exact same way I do, if I can figure out how to do such a thing. In fact, by the time I finish talking for this it should be done. But I have no idea if it really works. And right now, I’m too scared to suggest its use to anyone.”

 

The audio log cut off there, a rather harsh end to something that sounded like it had so much more to give. Blue frowned, thinking over what she just heard. Yellow still felt this way? They never really talk about it in detail after the system was created. Maybe there was merit to what Yellow was saying, that no one but her understood the system truly. Blue decided that she wanted the proper experience. Now, where could she find this device of Yellow’s?

 

As if it read her mind, a secret little component in the chair opened up and inside was a device. Blue picked it up lightly, figuring out that it was to be worn over the head. She put it on, letting out a small gasp of surprise when the device latched itself with two small buds past her hair and into her hidden ears. There was silence, the device making it that Blue could hear nothing in the surrounding area. She cocked her head, unsure of what to do. Her gem glowed, offering up her own playlist that she kept with her. The music player seemed to be communicating with the device, or at least trying. The player beeped, showing a single song on the screen. A song that Blue realized, both of them had. She remembered faintly Yellow having the exact same song on her own player. The device must’ve been programmed to only play songs that Yellow had. Luckily for Blue, they shared one. Taking a deep breath, she shut her eyes and pressed play.

 

Violins. Heartstring-tugging violins, stable as they resonated. A strong boom of a higher note, once, twice, four times one after another. They were windy, airy plucks of the note that gave her body shivers with the power that they somehow carried. The violins were moaning, dropping lower to tones sorrowful as a second lead of violins screeched a higher pitch, dancing with the lower tones as the plucking of the single notes continued on. There was a voice, in the midst of all of this. The rare instance that Yellow included a song with lyrics to sing in her playlist. The raw emotion in the voice that copied the music blowing along at just the right speed, and then it was silent for a moment. The plucking notes took upon themselves a lower pitch, firing off in a pattern. Two beats after each other, perhaps. The voice returned, asking questions as the plucking continued. A humming sound, low but strong, entered, along with a new plucking from a soft guitar. It was all so terribly… haunting, but powerful in a way Blue had never known. The music danced with itself, drums entering to replace the singing as the song continued. 

 

She  _ knew  _ this song. This song was on her own music player, but this was something completely different. She touched a hand to her face, feeling a river of tears on her cheeks. She… this was so new and powerful. Her eyes flew open, mouth hanging open in pure, simple shock. A hand flew to cover her mouth then, her eyes leaking more tears as she experienced. This was how it felt? It was so… beautiful and overwhelming at the same time. This was completely different to how she felt emotions. Her eyes closed again, ears perking as if to try and catch the music more, the unfamiliar concept intoxicating her. She understood now. Even if it was only one song, she understood.

 

She understood perfectly.

**Author's Note:**

> uwu this is shit but whatever have fun
> 
> ALSO: The song in question that I described is Start//End by EDEN. have fun


End file.
